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Miss Marie
29 April 2010 @ 12:52 pm
My dreams have been whispering strange things in my sleep. Well, more like showing me,

Mostly it's about strange inane things, things dreams usually portray.

Lately, it's been about... children. Having children. It's down right scary. I wouldn't say it's a nightmare, because I'm so... happy in my dreams. I think it's that emotion resulting is what's so scary. A couple years ago, I would've sworn up and down that I was NEVER going to have children, ever. I would be a terrible parent, they're too much responsibility, they're messy, I don't know how to deal with kids, etc. I had a million reasons. I'm still hanging on to those reasons. Because, it's true, I'm too young. I see my  friends who are having kids now, and I still think we're too young.

It's strange though, it's the same person I'm having them with (the kids, I mean) in my dreams, every time.

Anyways, spring sure knows how to throw weird signs.

I need to get to work.

*sigh*

 
 
Current Mood: weirdweird
 
 
Miss Marie
07 June 2009 @ 03:18 pm
Hi. It's been a little while hasn't it?
 
 I have a crazy ass story to tell.

 So, a group of us go to WeHo (West Hollywood for the non-natives) and we go to the recently re-opened Micky's. It was absolutely beautiful, cover was cheap, and company was good. Now, before we made it to our destination, my friend Michael opted for valet parking. Fancy, right? Yea.

  The night goes on, we meet plenty of interesting people and we try to leave, me ending the night sober (as always) and walking to the car. We get to where the valet was, THERE IS NO VALET ANYWHERE. So, ftw? We look around, trying to find a sign somewhere (at this time it was 3:30am, Micky's is open until 4am on Saturdays) stating something about a closing time or a contact number. Absolutely nothing. We're pretty chill about the situation, as we've had a couple drinks and we just are the type to go with it. We see another pair of people in the same predicament but about 10x more pissed off than we are. They jet.

  Now, this situation wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the facts that :
1. I was freezing my tush off.
2. Our apartment keys, car keys, etc. was in the car.
3. 2 out of 3 of us had work in the morning.

We try to find a ride, pulling money out of the ATM just in case we needed a cab. We manage to get someone to come but alas, they lived all the way in Ventura County. Yeah. We try to walk to the IHOP down the ways, but we never make it. Even though where we stopped, it was only a couple blocks away. Instead we just sit on the steps of a CVS Pharmacy, waiting for our knight in shining armor. In the meanwhile...

 We meet a model who flew into town, just looking for a place to kick it (at this time, it was 4:30am) and started talking to us cause he spotted us from across the street. We had a bunch of short conversation and he stumbles back to his hotel. And then, this guy whom our friend was speaking to at the club tries to come looking for us. He was pretty adamant about giving us a ride home. And really really pushy. Anyways, we tell him that we already have a ride coming on it's way but he kept asking where our ride was and when he was going to be there (again, really pushy). So, we wait with creep man until 5:30am on Santa Monica and La Cienega, when suddenly, our ride finally shows up. We say real brief goodbyes to creep man and go on our way.

  We head back to Michael's house, I sleep for an hour and a half and then get up so I can go with Michael to pick up his car. Our other friend split ways to go to work and we head back to WeHo once again. We find out where his car was, in another lot, and he asks us for $35 because we left the car overnight. Rip off. I pay $20 and my friend pays the rest. We head back to the Valley and he goes off to work.

I am exhausted.

P.S. Hey Felix, remember that one night in WeHo? haha.
 
 
Current Location: My Apartment. Finally.
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: John Murphy - In the House - In a Heartbeat | Powered by Last.fm
 
 
Miss Marie
I have a late night rant I wanted to put out here. Well, it's not a rant, more like quiet discussion with myself.

Tonight, I've come to the realization that I don't really know what I am.

I discovered a term I've heard before but never had given it a thought or bothered to know what it means.

Pansexual.

Finally, tonight, I looked up the word and then came this definition:

Pansexuality, or omnisexuality[1] is a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire for people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. Some pansexuals suggest that they are gender-blind; that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[2]

The word pansexual is derived from the Greek prefix pan-, meaning "all". In its simplest form, pansexuality denotes the potential of sexual attraction to all genders and beings. It is intended to negate the idea of two genders (as expressed by bi-)

The adjective pansexual may also be applied to organizations or events. In this context, the term usually indicates an openness to the involvement of people of all genders and sexual orientations in said organization/event, as well as the pansexual sexual identity.

Definition source: Wikipedia
(I didn't like Dictionary.com's definition because it was far too generalized for my taste, plus it made it seem like something that's purely sexual.)



  Though, I used to think myself as a sexual being (yes yes, calm your cries of 'OMG' and 'FTW') I feel most closely related to this definition. I am gender-blind. I feel that love that come from any human being, regardless of their gender, beliefs, orientation, and nurture. And I am accepting of all kinds of love (platonic, romantic, sexual). I just don't believe something like that should be restricted by something that's 'supposed to be' or, dare I say, 'normal'. Some people may think I'm fucked in the head, others will dispute that I'm bisexual.

  The term 'bisexual' is something I used to describe my sexuality. But, I believe, that doesn't accurately describe me. That term, to me, makes it so that gender is in bold letters. Male. Female. I feel that humans are much more complex than that. And that's where gender roles come in, and dear god, I really could go into a whole other thing about it. But I'm not going to. Because I'm nice to your eyes.

  Basically, what this is leading up to is that, on and off, I'm fighting with two sides of myself. The male side and the female side. For most of my life (if not all of it) the male side has been a very dominant role. I'm more butch than I am feminine. Everyone knows this.

  Recently, the feminine side has been pushing out more and more. For a long time, I really didn't give a flying fuck about gender roles. I always said, 'You are who you are, how is it more difficult than that?'. I've discovered it's very much more difficult than I had ever anticipated. I'm very torn. I want my two sides to mix. Negotiate peacefully and become whole. And I've always knew the split was there, but now, it bothers me. When I think about dating a girl, I become much more butch and sometimes pretty cocky. Weird, huh? But when I think about a guy, I become feminine, not too much so, but enough to cause me to reevaluate myself and think, 'Is this really me?'. Who am I? Why do I  have a Ms. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde complex? Why is it so complicated? And why the hell do I feel like a huge chunk of me is missing?

  A little voice in my head asks, 'Why are you so concerned by this?' and all I can reply with is, 'I don't know.'

Another obstacle of life. Great. Dammit.
 



Tags: ,
 
 
Current Location: My Apartment.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
 
 
Miss Marie
13 May 2009 @ 02:37 am

Pet's name: Wulfric
Adopt your own!









And her too...







Pet's name: Adelwin
Adopt your own!
 
 
Current Mood: crazycrazy
 
 
Miss Marie


I love crack!pairings.
 
 
Current Location: My Apartment.
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
 
 
Miss Marie
17 April 2009 @ 03:40 pm

Cutest wrapping for a brownie evar.
Gluten-free too!
 
 
 
Current Location: My Apartment.
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
 
 
Miss Marie
15 April 2009 @ 01:27 am

It's Tax Day in the U.S., a day when the mind might be too occupied with deductions and long lines at the post office to think about poetry. But let's try: what's your favorite line of poetry? Song lyrics count.

View 500 Answers

"My forehead no longer sweet
With holy kisses worthy of your fiery lips"

January 1979 by Mewithoutyou

 
 
Current Mood: awakeawake
 
 
Miss Marie
14 April 2009 @ 10:18 pm
I can't stop listening to this stupid song. I've been quietly singing it to myself all day.



Ugh, and the lyrics are ridiculous too.
 
 
Current Mood: dorkydorky
 
 
Miss Marie
After this big trip to New Orleans and then settling back home, I've revaluated myself as a person. I know that I've come a long way from being the person I used to be (selfish, lonely, stressed, depressed) to being the new me. There are some things I do unfortunately regret doing in the past and I could never apologize enough to the people that I've hurt (some have been talked out and reasoned, thus old friendships rekindled) but I suppose there is only the future to always look forward to. My friends have been the best motivators in my life, always willing to lend an ear, giving honest advice when needed, and I always return in kind. Many of them pulled me out of bad situations and helped me get on my feet. I'm always going to be grateful for their support and always willing to return the favor.

These changes this past 6 months has had more impact on me than I ever realized. I'm much more social and happier. I'm significantly less stressed that I used to be and now, I have more time to spend with my friends and animals, less time worrying about things that really don't need the attention.

You know, I've heard the saying 'defining myself as a person' many times, but have never understood the meaning. It may sound like a ridiculous statement, but I honestly don't know. If anyone could illuminate the meaning of this, please do. Maybe this is something I should've of known already but I've missed out on? Or perhaps it was a part of growing up that I completely skipped. Who knows. Maybe I'm just having some weird episode, considering the hour.

Well, as a conclusion to this entry, I shall leave you with this: Hanging out with Simon Pegg in my dream was awesome.

Fin.
 
 
Current Location: My Aparment.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
 
 
Miss Marie
23 March 2009 @ 06:28 pm
The world here is different in the day than in the night, just like many of those other cities in the US. But, regardless of the time, I feel like there are two types of people that live here. The friendly local, who would be kind enough to help you out if you happened to find yourself lost or otherwise. And then there is the other, the bitter, 'slightly' drunk local who has had enough of the tourist shit and would like nothing better than to beat our foreign heads in. It's pretty intimidating here.

On another note, I ate fish today. I had forgotten what the taste and texture was like. I had to see if I'd like it. And, it was not really enjoyable. Don't get me wrong, the meal was great. But, there was just something nagging at me. I'm likely not going to do it again.



At midnight, my money comes in. First thing, pay cellphone. Second thing, pay Felix back. I don't know after that. I'm contemplating coming home early. The environment is not for me. I'm looking for something uplifting, new. You know, a place that comes with adjectives like fantastic, exciting, mind-boggling, or just plain fun.


I feel so lost here.
 
 
Current Location: India House Hostel
Current Mood: restlessrestless